I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
