dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
