ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
