What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize