I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
