he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
