I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
