i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
