Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
