I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
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