then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
