These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
