She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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