I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
