It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
