We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
