I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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