wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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