one might say we're banned from that church
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
