Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
