Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
