Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
