I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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