Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
