"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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