He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
