Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
