saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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