And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
