this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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