i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
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