So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
we're making bets on your personal life
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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