i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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