My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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