THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
