Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
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