i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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