So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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