Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
