This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
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