You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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