I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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