dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
