I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
