I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
