I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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