We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Well I just put wine in my tea
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Randomize
