well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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