Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Randomize
