just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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