just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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