omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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