Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
