he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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