Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
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