I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
