i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
