the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
