I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
