we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
