Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
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