I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
