I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
