he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
