I didn't shave. On purpose
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
