whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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