finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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