Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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