I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
