He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize