Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize