This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
