Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
