problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
