and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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