Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
